Project Humor
6 Phases of a Project
1. Excitement 2. Confusion and disillusionment 3. Panic 4. Search for the guilty 5. Punish the innocent 6. Distinction and praise for the uninvolved »
15 Immutable PM Laws
LAW 1 No major project is ever completed on time, within budget, with the same staff that started it, nor does the project do what it is supposed to do. It is highly unlikely that yours will be the first Corollary 1 The benefits will be smaller than initially estimated, if estimates were made at all Corollary 2 The... »
The Project Manager’s Creed
The Obsessive, Compulsive Project Manager’s Creed: If anything can go wrong, Fix It! When given a choice – Take Both! Multiple projects lead to multiple successes Start at the top then work your way up Do it by the book–but make sure you’re the author! When forced to compromise, ask for more If you can’t beat them, join them; then beat... »
Project Management Quips
Murphy was an optimist Give me a date, I won’t hold you to it A lack of planning by you does not constitute an emergency for me Some days you’ll be the pigeon and some days you’ll be the statue If you don’t have time to stop for directions – you’re already late Plan the work and work the... »
Project Management Laws
Murphy’s Law If it can go wrong it will O’Malley’s Corollary to Murphy’s Law If it can’t possibly go wrong, it will Sod’s Law It will go wrong in the worst possible way Parkinson’s Law Work expands to fill the time available for its completion Whose Law Is This? A two year project will take three years A three year project will never finish Summary Murphy,... »
Project Proverbs
The same work under the same conditions will be estimated differently by ten different estimators, or by one estimator at ten different times The most valuable and least used word in a project manager’s vocabulary is “NO” You can con a sucker into committing to an unreasonable deadline, but you can’t bully him into meeting it The... »
14 Project Definitions
Contractor A gambler who never gets to shuffle, cut or deal Tender Opening A poker game in which the losing hand wins Tender A wild guess carried out to two decimal places Successful Bidder A contractor who is wondering what he left out In-House Estimate The cost of construction in heaven Project Manager The conductor in an orchestra in which every musician is playing a... »
7 Phases of a Project
1. Wild enthusiasm 2. Disillusionment 3. Confusion 4. Panic 5. Search for the guilty 6. Punishment of the innocent 7. Promotion of non-participants »
Top 10 Reasons NOT to Use Project Management
(With apologies to David Letterman) 10. Our customers really love us, so they don’t care if our products are late and don’t work. 9. Organizing to manage projects isn’t compatible with our culture, and the last thing we need around this place is change. 8. All our projects are easy, and they don’t have cost, schedule, and... »
