14 Project Definitions
Contractor
A gambler who never gets to shuffle, cut or deal
Tender Opening
A poker game in which the losing hand wins
Tender
A wild guess carried out to two decimal places
Successful Bidder
A contractor who is wondering what he left out
In-House Estimate
The cost of construction in heaven
Project Manager
The conductor in an orchestra in which every musician is playing a different tune
Construction Claim
The contractor’s guess at the amount of money needed to transform a net loss into a gross profit
Critical Path Method
A management technique for losing your shirt under perfectly controlled conditions
Strike
An effort to increase egg production by strangling the chicken
Delayed Payment
A tourniquet applied at the pockets
Completion Date
A point at which liquidated damages begin
Liquidated Damages
A penalty for failing to achieve the impossible
Auditors
People who go in after the battle is lost and bayonet the wounded
Lawyers
People who go in after the auditors and strip the bodies
